Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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