Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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