508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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