Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
