New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
