Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize