his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
