so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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