There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i was born a porn star she said
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
