I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
