____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
