I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
