i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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