Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
