I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
