bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
