Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
