Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
