I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
