Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
