I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
