guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize