You're my little dorito
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
