yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
