At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
