non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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