please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
