Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize