I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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