I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
