Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
