yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
