I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
