Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
