Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
