i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
