he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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