why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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