White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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