I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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