What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
