I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
