i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
