Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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