Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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