do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
