now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
