You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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