My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
