So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
