you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
