The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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