Need sex. Gaining weight.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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