I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize