those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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