I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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