I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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