Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
