How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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