he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
