you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
