Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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