if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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