last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
